Case History 10: Civilization Encroaches upon Savages!
Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011
by Al Case
http://www.alcasebooks.com/
It is 1550 and beyond, and man, is this writer glad! It seems that civilization is making inroads on the new world! I mean, those new world savages need some of that old world civilization, right?
First off, we all know that the Spanish own a bunch of America. Well, everybody but the French, for Captain Jean Ribault and 150 men have decided to set up shop in the Spanish section. But, Ribault feeling the need to return to France, left Captain Le Peirria in charge.
The men, however, felt La Pierria not a sufficient leader, so they elected Captain Barre to replace him. Captain Barre’s first act was to build a small ship so everybody could go home. I guess not enough people spoke French.
Anyway, there wasn’t enough food to go around, so they all started eating each other, like in cannibalism. Fortunately, before they could go through all their arms and legs and what not the English came along and rescued them. I guess the Spanish won’t be speaking French for a while.
At any rate, the Spanish weren’t too happy about all the frogs invading their swampy land, so Admiral Pedro Menendez took a small army and invaded the French Fort Caroline. The Spanish showed their displeasure by hackin’ and hewin’, slicin’ and dicin’, and generally making a shambles of the French. The survivors were promised clemency, and then they were hacked up, too.
Now, Captain Jean Ribault, upon returning to the new world, wasn’t too happy with all this massacreein’ stuff, and he promptly started his own war machine to crankin’, but success was not too be his. The Spanish fought a sea battle, captured 200 survivors, and slaughtered them. They name the place where they slaughtered the French Matanzas, which is Spanish for...slaughter.
And, if that wasn’t enough, in the middle of all this slaughter the Spanish are lawn bowling indoors! They take a stick and hit little balls across a green table. They call this game ‘billiards,’ which is sort of Spanish for ‘ball-yards,’ or something like that.
Amidst all this civilizing stuff going on in the new world, an Indian who had visited Europe was interview concerning his impressions. The writer Montaigne recorded the savage as wondering why ‘half the people had enough comforts, while the other half were emaciated by poverty...how the needy half could bear such injustice...and why the needy half didn’t just rise up and seize the unneedy half by the throat and burn down their houses.’ Obviously, the savage didn’t understand civilization, and the fact that civilized folk are far above such things as ‘class warfare.’
Yippee! Class is over! Time to head down to the magazine stand and read TheDailyNeutron(dot)com. Be careful though, you don’t want any civilized folks to see you.
First off, we all know that the Spanish own a bunch of America. Well, everybody but the French, for Captain Jean Ribault and 150 men have decided to set up shop in the Spanish section. But, Ribault feeling the need to return to France, left Captain Le Peirria in charge.
Anyway, there wasn’t enough food to go around, so they all started eating each other, like in cannibalism. Fortunately, before they could go through all their arms and legs and what not the English came along and rescued them. I guess the Spanish won’t be speaking French for a while.
At any rate, the Spanish weren’t too happy about all the frogs invading their swampy land, so Admiral Pedro Menendez took a small army and invaded the French Fort Caroline. The Spanish showed their displeasure by hackin’ and hewin’, slicin’ and dicin’, and generally making a shambles of the French. The survivors were promised clemency, and then they were hacked up, too.
Now, Captain Jean Ribault, upon returning to the new world, wasn’t too happy with all this massacreein’ stuff, and he promptly started his own war machine to crankin’, but success was not too be his. The Spanish fought a sea battle, captured 200 survivors, and slaughtered them. They name the place where they slaughtered the French Matanzas, which is Spanish for...slaughter.
And, if that wasn’t enough, in the middle of all this slaughter the Spanish are lawn bowling indoors! They take a stick and hit little balls across a green table. They call this game ‘billiards,’ which is sort of Spanish for ‘ball-yards,’ or something like that.
Amidst all this civilizing stuff going on in the new world, an Indian who had visited Europe was interview concerning his impressions. The writer Montaigne recorded the savage as wondering why ‘half the people had enough comforts, while the other half were emaciated by poverty...how the needy half could bear such injustice...and why the needy half didn’t just rise up and seize the unneedy half by the throat and burn down their houses.’ Obviously, the savage didn’t understand civilization, and the fact that civilized folk are far above such things as ‘class warfare.’
Yippee! Class is over! Time to head down to the magazine stand and read TheDailyNeutron(dot)com. Be careful though, you don’t want any civilized folks to see you.
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